This first one has no music but it’s still funny:

I saved the best for last (Thanks Lisa and Scott!)

As I have told you before Princess is now completely senile. Some days all she does is sleep and eat and other days all she does is beg for food and eat. Well right now she is being a beggar. She just paces around the house waiting for me to walk into the kitchen so she can ambush me and let me know she wants more food.

The thing is, if I actually feed her everytime she wants food she just gets so stuffed that she pukes. Yeah so cleaning that up isn’t fun. I limit her intake to the reccomended amount on the back of the food can but she makes me feel like I’m starving her to death.

The whole point of me posting this right now is that the funniest thing just happened. I walked out to the kitchen and Princess was sitting by the fridge. Sitting, not laying and she had her eyes shut. I got real close to her and was looking at her and she was fully asleep. She had fell asleep sitting up, waiting for me to open the fridge.

When she woke up she meowed at me and I started craking up. I don’t know, it was the funniest damn thing I have ever seen. She’s crazy, maybe I’m crazier, who knows :)

Jason sent me this link to a cat video on YouTube, which is entirely the whole reason I got addicted to the website. I mean video blogs, LOVE THEM! I really did not need another thing to suck the time out of my life but at least I don’t have T.V., that would be insane!

So thanks Jason on so many levels . . .

I ran about 7 miles last night with Michael, it was a lot of fun, not totally easy but definitely fun. Rhianna needs to get her butt over here and run with me too, but no she had to go and move to BFE. (bum f@#k egypt, it’s something Bart says all the time) Yeah so if you’re reading this Rhianna maybe you’ll give me a call and we can do some running cause you sure as hell know I’m not calling your a$$. ha ha, I’m not funny.

Okay so no earth shattering news for today, I’m still feeling good about the big decision I made yesterday and that’s about it.

Well let me see here. . . Right now I am currently waiting for the comcast cable person to come and hook us up. I did the whole thing online which was probably a mistake, not sure why but I am just pretty sure. They have you pick three times you are available and they will come any of those three times. I picked Wednesday a.m. & p.m. then Thursday a.m. They officially have 47 minutes until it is no longer a.m. today.

The real pain of me waiting for them is that we want the internet hooked up in the sewing room and so I have to try to keep my mess under control while anticipating the arrival of a stranger to come into it. When I’m sewing it just gets pure crazy! Fabrics, threads, patterns, scissors, pins, and a lot of other junk just spread around everywhere. I try to work neatly but it is just hard, who knows why. The weird thing is I don’t like to start working if my room is a mess but if I mess it up within 10 minutes of starting a project that is just fine. My mind is fascinating, even to me. . .

So I do have to admit I haven’t been doing much work during this wait but I have been doing some internet surfing. Any activity right now is just hard because I can’t help but look out the window every 5 seconds. So I have been looking into all sorts of cool stuff today. I looked up some stocks, my new obsession, and I have also read my fair share of celebrity gossip. You know I try quitting that crap but I am just drawn to the headlines “Scarlett snubs Hollywood . ..” yeah she had a weird nose piercing, who the hell cares? Ugh, I feel dirty when I read that stuff, but then I just shake it off and type DNA into google so I can feel smart.

About an hour ago I was reading something real fascinating about Jessica Simpson and then I hear a knock-knock. I close the browser, don’t want the cable person to know what a dork I am, and run out to the door. Hmmmm. . . I see two little ladies. When did they start having social workers install cable internet, in teams too. I open the door. They smile. I smile. Spunky tries to go outside.

Hi there, we’re going around today sharing scripture. Are you a bible reader?

Uh, no I don’t read the bible.

You know, I’m a nice person. I can’t answer the door to these people and say “I’m not interested in God, thanks!” I admire them for their faith and for actually thinking that going around spreading the word is worthwhile. If I believed in something that made my life awesome I would probably want to spread the word too, but it takes balls to knock on a strangers door and ask them for their time, so I’m nice about it. I can give them 5 minutes, after all I wasn’t doing anything life changing anyway. You know God works in mysterious ways so maybe he sent them to make me stop reading celebrity trash! hmm. . .

So this time it was Jehovah’s witnesses, last time it was Mormons. I love you guys but it just ain’t for me, sorry. Oh and did you miss this as you walked up the long path to my door?

Yeah, I consider it soliciting. . .

Now onto other news in my life. I got a new vacuum. Oooh Aaah, yes and it is so cute. As you may recall my previous vacuum sucked, in all the wrong ways! What lead to this new purchase was that my old hunkajunk had a broken belt, and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how to take the thing apart!

Keeping the manual might have been good, but most vacuums just open up and you can see the belt. Oh not the Shark Roadster! I took out ever screw I could see and I still couldn’t pry the thing apart so I put it straight in the trash! I told myself I would get a bagged vacuum if I ever got a new one but alas I got another bag-less. This one is more simple, but still dusty and dirty to empty. I am willing to sacrifice getting dirty because its green! I love the color and sadly it is almost the entire reason I bought it.

The little green Eureka(model 431A) has been good to me so far. Little and light weight and so cute just sitting in the corner, all green and sparkly, like a vintage car! I’m smitten!

Just to let you know right now I am wearing green pants, drinking lemonade from a green eBay glass and noting that the time is now 12 p.m. and the cable person is probably not going to come. I may have to talk to a human after all. . .

My sister Katie got a cell phones with a built in camera and she sent me a picture to my e-mail. Pretty neat-o! As you can see below she has a new piercing, I think it looks cute.

Now that I don’t have to expect a knock on the door I can get to work and make a big fat mess with no worries.

A few weekends ago we went to Bend to hang out with our best friends Bart and Summer. As most of you know we have two cats so we have to:

A. Ask someone to come check on them
or
B. Leave them with enough survival gear to last three days.

This time around we chose option B because the last two times we’ve had people check in on them they were so completely disgusted, as if Michael and I were the ones flinging shit everywhere. When we had Rhianna check on them once she said something like “I didn’t know cats could shit so much”. When Angie watched them a couple of times she said “Yeah everything is going great, I’m scraping shit off the wall as we speak. . .” and another favorite quote from Angie “Um I think Spunky is evil and she wants to kill me”

They aren’t so cute when we leave them alone. Anyway to make sure they have enough supplies (food, water, litter, newspaper covered trouble spots, etc.) we just over compensate. We left them two HUGE bowls of water and three bowls of food. Way more than enough to last.

We also left the toilet open in case they spilled their water. I made an extra litter box by the laundry room door (their other litter boxes are in the laundry room) and put it infront of the door so there would be no chance of a door getting shut. We layed newspaper on known “trouble spots” (places they would prefer to defecate rather than the little box) and we we set to jet.

We were gone for three days, three days of not cleaning up hairballs, not scooping litter, not wiping up poopies, and sadly not petting my pretty kitties. When we get home they are over joyed at our return (we are their heroes) and we clean up all their messes. First they pooped in the new little box about 500 times and the other two boxes only had puddles of pee.

There were no suprises poopies anywhere else, we were stunned. Aside from the fact that when we are gone the cats (maybe just Spunky) eat and poop like there is nothing else to do, we were pretty surprised at the lack of destruction that occured. One of them normally poops in some obscure place just to tell us she was mad we left.

Then it gets good. The other day we were sitting on our living room floor and Michael looks over at the wall by the kitchen cabinet and says pointing “What is that right there?” I look over my shoulder and it looks like a freakin’ dried up turd that hit the wall then slid down leaving a little trail. In my head I think no way, that can’t be shit. It’s like 6 feet from where the laundry room door is. I get closer and use my forensics skills (yes, I have completed all the credits for my Forensics minor at Western) and come to a conclusion. Yes Laycie, it is a turd!

What the hell are they doing can fling a turd that far? I swear, if we had a camera on them when we were gone there would be some crazy stuff happening. You’d see Princess take a dump then you’d see Spunky get in the box and start kicking knowing exactly what she was aiming for until one round turd flew accross the room and hit the wall. Then after it happened Spunky would go lay down, satisfied that she had made her point. Don’t leave us home, you jerks!

Okay so Michael got this new job and he’s making big money but I am still working for myself, at home, alone, all day. So anyway the other day I got a knock on the door, I thought it was Angie so I looked out the window (which is right on the door) and I see two young guys in white shirts with black coats. I think to myself Yes! These guys are from the FBI and they have come to ask me to work on the X-Files with Mulder and Scully! But no, they were with the Church of Latter Day Saints. So I’m standing there letting all my heat out (which costs $150 a month), and they are asking me stuff like “Did you just move in here?” as they peep into the house and see boxes piled up (stuff I plan to sell on eBay) and no couches (sold them to help pay for my fake boobs) and a cat with a shaved back (see previous posts about furballs) I tell them “No I’ve lived here for a few months”. So now they are thinking I’m some poor crack head or something who needs Jesus to save me from the hell I am living in. Then they ask me what brought me here. “What brought me here? Uh, let me think about that. Hmmm. . . What brought me to Salem, oh yeah! My Dad brought me here in a car.” I mean I’m only 25, I live in a tiny back house on a street that is very delapidated. Do they think I came here because this is a totally desirable location or did they expect me to say “Oh I got pregnant, dropped out of highschool and I’m working at McDonalds so I moved here to be close to work so I could walk there. Plus this is a really small house so when I leave my baby here when I’m at work there isn’t very much stuff for it to get hurt on.” I know they are just trying to make small talk but really, don’t ask me what brought me here cause it wasn’t the weather.

So I’m still standing there and I was very nice to them, and I am trying to be funny and sarcastic here, just making laughs. Anyway so still standing there and they are asking me more stuff. “Have you ever seen other missionaries like us?” And The first thing that pops into my head just flies out of my mouth, “Yeah, Mormons.” Then they are like “Well we believe . . .something something . . .Father in Heaven . . .something something . . .prophet . . .” I wasn’t really following because I just have no interest in churches. I have my own spirituality and I just try to be a nice person. Like I was being to them. Then they ask if I would like to learn more about it and I’m like “no, I’m pretty good” Those were my precise words. Could I be any dorkier. No I don’t need to learn about Jesus, I’m good. They probably thought I was a real crazy couchless cat lady.

So then they leave and I just think the whole thing is pretty silly, cause I’m a weird beard. Then I’m telling Rhianna about it later and this is how it goes:

“So Rhianna, these missionaries came here today”
“Oh, didn’ they see the No Solicitors sign you have on the door?”
“Um. I guess they think soliciting God is different than selling Super Orange Clean” (Which we actually have bought, ha ha)
“What church were they?”
“Latter Day Saints or something”
“Oh, Mormans”
“Huh? They were Morman?”
“Uh, yeah. Mormans do missions”
“Oh my God! They must have thought I was crazy!”
“Why?”
“‘Cause the’re all like have you ever seen missionaries like us and I’m all yeah Mormans”
“HA ha hahahahahahahah haha!!!”
“Don’t other churches have missionaries?”
“I don’t know”
“Wow, I’m really stupid!”

Wow I know that’s a big picture and I’m sorry but I had to do it. Spunky is so fat and hairy it’s just insane. I have shaved her back a few times in the past due to her abundance of nasty fur balls and once again I had to do it. I’m not exactly sure how she gets her back fur all matted up, since I don’t even think she can reach her head around to her back .

I think it’s from how she lays on the floor like a dead fish and then rolls around from side to side with fat bulges flopping to and fro. She is an inside cat so her life is really lame. I’m sorry that my fear of losing you to the crazy raccons outside has driven you to this sort of self-abuse Spunky. I’m still not letting you outside though, especially now!

Princess is old, blind and deaf. She is looking a little ratty lately, she meows so loud in the middle of the night and wakes me up, yet I still love her! I love her so much I take her stank a$$ gound catfood, put it in the food processor with water and make her this slop pictured below. May I repeat, I love her! After you take this already gound meat bi-product crap and re-grind it up into puree ka ka it stinks, so bad!

So that being said, that I love her and make her nasty food, lets see exhibit A:

Oh, hey, what’s that? Oh that’s just Pricess thanking me for the good way I take care of her. I have seen her do it too. She stand in the box, hangs her a$$ over the edge and pee pee away! It’s really great and super duper! You wanna see her do it? I sketched a re-inactment for you below.

I love you too Princess, thanks for everything :)