…and sadly enough I’ve decided not to renew it. It’s doubtful I will start another website immediately but if you would like to know when I do just leave a comment here and I will save your email address.

You can also email me: Laycie at foxygreen dot com.

I went to the zoo with Kendel and Ellie today and we had an awesome time even though it was a bazillion degrees outside and I was so sweaty I looked like I peed myself. I got past it though and embraced the fact that I would never see any of these people again so who the hell cares.

After we got back into Salem we went home so I could peel my wet pants off and replace them with some dry ones and then I went out looking for something to wear to my interview. I’m not going to tell you everywhere I went or that when I was at AE trying on size 14 pants, that I was most certain wouldn’t fit, I had a flood of happiness because I was wearing something that fit! I’m not going to tell you all that though, what I will tell you is how much of a dork I am.

I was in the Target dressing room just a mere 30 minutes ago, trying on some khaki pants and this white shirt that was supposed to be baggy but the kind of baggy that only looks good on a super skinny girl, because you know she doesn’t need to wear anything baggy but when she does it just looks super cute. Anyway, I put the pants on, thought they were alright even though the front pockets were doing this funked out thing where it looked like they were trying to leap off the side of my leg, they had cute buttons though, kind of like sailor pants, so I was willing to possibly overlook the pocket problem but my problems were only beginning. The real trouble started with the previously mentioned baggy styled shirt that I was thinking would just kind of be a little more flattering on me considering the fact that I am 6 months pregnant with a dozen cupcakes.

I put the shirt on and right away the cute buttons on the shirt mixed with the cute buttons on the pants are like detail overload and I get the urge to take them both off but then I decide since the dressing room is empty that I will go out and look at myself in the mirror in the hall so I can get a better overall picture of myself. I have been known to only want to wear the same thing over and over so I was willing to get a second mirror opinion and try to be a little more open minded.

I step out of my tiny room where I was only about 12″ from the mirror and I am now about 10 feet from the mirror in the hall. First thing I notice is lumpyness. The shirt fabric is just hanging on every little thing and the pants looked hideous. I tried to laugh off the fact I looked so bad by acting funny and saying Hi I’m fat, can I have a job? all sarcastically to myself but not really to myself because I said it aloud and then I go back into my room and take the outfit off and as I’m putting all the reject clothes back on the hangers I’m saying no, no, no, no and that’s when I hear a lady cough in the room right next to me. I thought I was alone, as if that makes it okay to talk to myself, but I wasn’t and I was being a complete ding dong so I hurried and got out of there so she wouldn’t see my face. Hopefully I at least gave her a good story.

What I realized though is that when no one else is around to cheer me up that I am perfectly willing to step up to the plate an do it, even if it means people think I am insane. At least I’m laughing right?

I normally have a horrendous time shopping but tonight I didn’t. I was buying things that looked good on me right now (well at least more flattering that all my too tight t-shirts that literally show the outline of my last cupcake) and I was feeling good about myself. Who cares if I am bigger than I used to be, I’m still super awesome as I demonstrated tonight in the dressing room.

I just want my body to match my lifestyle, and right now I’m a runner in my soul but not in my real life so I can quit thinking my body should look like a runner’s body and just be who I am right now. I might not even be here tomorrow so I better love myself right this minute and boy I tell ya I do. I’m super happy right now if you can’t tell, it’s probably just some mild mania but I will take it.

Today was a long day. I was very near screaming at one point toward the end. Kendel had a dentist appointment this afternoon at 4:30 that was to be 90 minutes long because they were going to do a whole bunch of fillings at once. Kendel has really bad teeth and had been waiting for this appointment for 6 months, she gets it all done free so you can’t really bitch about the waiting time.

We got to the office early because we had been out running errands and going home just didn’t make sense. We walked across the street to Walgreens and got some soda and snacks. We came back to the parking lot and sat in the shade on a curb next to our car. I got sugar free wafer cookies and they actually weren’t too bad. The time passed pretty quick and after running around all day it was actually fun to just sit outside and laugh.

We were in the air conditioned waiting room which was wonderful but not even 5 minutes after Kendel was taken back for her fillings Ellie started making the loudest screeching sounds ever and about 1 minute into that music she blessed her diaper with a stinky present. Everyone knew it too because she was grunting so loud coupled with a few squished tomato faces.

I took her out to the car since Kendel left her butt wipes there and while I was out there I decided we should just stay there because I wasn’t enjoying myself much in the waiting room anyway. Ellie was in her stroller so for awhile I sat on the curb and we played the game where I try to read while she repeatedly throws her toy on the ground only to scream until I pick it up and give it back to her just so she can throw it again. It was fun but it got old and we moved the party into the car.

By now it was pretty breezy and I had stopped being bothered by the fact I was sweaty all over. I mean once you are covered in sweat it just doesn’t get any worse so you just kind of roll with it. I rolled down the windows, opened the back hatch and sat on the passenger side with the door open.

My phone was almost dead but I took it out anyway so I could see how much time had passed. 5:09, thirty minutes. Shit, an hour left to go. As I sat there staring, hoping the time would just start speeding by, my phone powered off. How could I have forgot to charge my phone last night?!?! damn.

Ellie played in the backseat with my Nalgene bottle, if only she would continue to be this easily amused forever, but soon she got sick of it, sick of the car, pissed she hadn’t got her nap and probably even madder that she hadn’t yet got her post nap jar of baby mush.

About 5 minutes after I decided I was losing my mind, that I had chosen the absolute worse option possible from the list of ways to spend 90 minutes with Ellie when she hasn’t napped, I locked her in the car seat which she turned into a battle for her life and I gave her a bottle which she took and surprisingly enough didn’t throw at my face. I climbed out from the back seat of tiny car, grabbed the dirty diaper off the roof, walked over to the other side and sat on the front seat.

I popped a sugar free wafer cookie into my mouth and looked up to see Kendel walking toward me with a big grin on her face. The grin in my heart was almost as big, I was so ready to get the hell out of that parking lot.

As she got near I stood up and she stood in front of me with a wide toothy smile. Her front teeth were fixed and no longer had huge dark cavities down the sides. She was so happy she couldn’t stop smiling. Her happiness just flowed over onto me and I forgot about all the wrangling I had just done because somehow it all seemed worth it.

One day I’m happy and feel like super woman, the next I feel like there is no point in changing my underwear or brushing my teeth because what good will it do me anyway, I’m not leaving the couch…

Today I did leave the couch but it wasn’t a great day or anything. I’ve basically been alone for two days now. I did call up a few friends and my brother Ryan yesterday but other than that I didn’t talk to anyone. Kendel was with her friend Laura and I was just being a bum. Today she was still with Laura so I got up early and decided to do something with my life. I went to my stu-stu-studio and farted around for a bit, worked on a table I’m trying to make for the center of the room and ate WAY too many cookies.

My health right now probably isn’t too good considering I basically eat sugar, salt and fat all day long and every now and then I put a carrot in my mouth, hold it there for 5 seconds then spit it out. I hardly move let alone exercise, I think I am the most out of shape I have ever been and I am not doing a damn thing about it.

One day I will decide to eat better and refuse to go to the store for ice cream and cake but then the very next day I have one of those “what’s the point days” and I just go buy whatever sounds good and then I come home and eat it while watching tv shows I ever thought I’d watch.

The funny thing is that I have felt like I was on the verge of getting back on track with running for like a month. Every night I think to myself, tomorrow is totally the day I am going to get up and go for a 20 minute run, it’s totally going to be tomorrow…. then I wake up and I think, oh god, I’m awake again and it’s cold and my head hurts and I want a cookie.

The super funny thing is that last night as I walked home from safeway with my ice cream and root beer I told myself that tomorrow was DEFINITELY going to be the day but then right before I got to my door I tripped on a step and landed on my knee and dropped all my yummies everywhere. First thing I thought, welp, can’t run tomorrow, I hurt m’knee! yeah, I let myself off the hook pretty easy these days.

Seriously though, I’m feeling like tomorrow might be the day. I add the might because it also might be the day that cheesecake sounds good for breakfast. Anyway, I’m totally okay with all the family drama, things are what they are. I’m just trying to focus on me right now and all I can do is try to be the best person I can be and not play into other people’s bullshit. I’m really excited about my business and I hope I start having less of those hopeless days but until then I will do the most I can with the good days because those are the days I am lucky to have.

…sidenote, I’ve been watching The Amazing Race and I am determined to leave the United States next year. I need to go see something amazing and to tell you the truth I would be amazed if I got to go to some place I couldn’t pronounce, let alone find on a map, and just shovel goat shit all day. I need a vacation from my life. Pronto!

I posted awhile ago about how I had like a $400 bill from AT&T and how I called and they reduced it for me as a “one time courtesy”. During that phone call with AT&T customer service I also asked to have my plan changed to the 2100 minute plan instead of the 700 and she said she did it for me, I asked her twice, but here I go logging into my account and I have $75 in overage charges because my plan didn’t get changed.

I am so flippin frustrated I’m about to sell my iphone and go back to my beloved T-Mobile just so I have one less thing in my life that stresses me out. Seriously I am so annoyed right now. I tried to just change my plan right there on the website myself but AT&T tells me:“we are unable to change your rate plan at this time”. eff!

So I will get more practice in doing things I hate tomorrow when I have to spend another hour of my life talking with some AT&T employee that could care less. My brain hurts because AT&T’s website sucks, AT&T’s customer service sucks and AT&T’s coverage is STILL sucking for me!

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update: after 30 minutes on the phone they credited my account for the overage from last month and switched my plan for reals this time. Gag me with a spoon.

Okay so I told you all about that car I have. Well I decided to give it another chance at a life with me. This decision came about mostly because I had no other choice, being at home without a car is the worst kind of suck the suck fairy can bring. So yesterday Kendel and I vacuumed it out, taped a new piece of vinyl over the broken out window and then drove it around the ‘hood to be sure it was good to go.

It passed our 20 block test drive which was really just a circle ’round and ’round our house. We then drove it to Panda Express for some Chinese food to go and it didn’t die in the drive thru line so that told me it would do right by me. I mean, if it was going to screw with me it would have died right there because how much more embarrassing does it get, having to push your car through a drive through. Maybe pushing your car through a car wash, I don’t know.

As I said before this car doesn’t have a heater. Well this morning Kendel had a dentist appointment at 7:45 and since the sun was not out long enough to defrost the car I had to take my portable oil heater and put it on the floor in the backseat. I left it out there for an hour and it got the job done. I pride myself on my cleverness.

The whole driving to the dentist at an hour which neither of us is usually awake thing was kind of sketchy because we can’t drive this P.O.S. in the dark since there are no taillights. Once again, good fortune was on our side, it started getting light at about 7:10 and was fully light at 7:30 when we took off.

Kendel had some serious crap done to one of her molars so we dropped her pain medication prescription off at the Walgreens right by our house and then went home to watch Friends. Yeah we have been watching Friends non stop for like a week now, it never gets old. Kendel passed out on the couch and then around 12 we went and got her prescription and a nice late breakfast of Taco Bell. Yeah we watch Friends and ride the healthy food train. what-what.

Kendel and I decided today that we ARE NOT in fact morning people. We aren’t anything even close to morning people. Even if I get plenty of sleep there is just something that happens to me when I wake up and it’s still dark outside. I end up feeling ill all day and also enjoy a massive headache. Yeah, for me 9 is a good time to get up, 6 is just crazy time.

After a few more hours of sitting on the couch watching our Friends live their lives while ours passed us by we decided to spend our last $25 on the third season of Friends. I KNOW! The story just keeps getting crazier! I imagine that right now as you read this you are wondering what insanity is going to pop up next in this text, and because of that I will give you this: We put our jeans on, and that means a lot because we are rocking the sweat pants something hardcore over here, and we drove the P.O.S. to FredMeyer just to buy our beloved show. We got york peppermint patties too, YUM.

This little excursion kind of woke us up. We did feel a bit guilty for not getting out and enjoying the amazing weather we had today, but not that guilty. Kendel had the bright idea to check what light bulbs we needed to get so our taillights would work and so when we got back home we did just that. Kendel showed me how to get to the bulbs, yeah I’m not car-smart, and they didn’t look blown so we were trying to make sure that we were turning the lights on. We turned knobs and pulled levers and nothing turned the headlights and the taillights on at the same time. Then, THEN!, we flip this switch that is below the steering wheel that is simply marked on/off. Well this little handy dandy makes no fucking sense to me switch is the magic switch that turns the taillights on and transforms the car into the catmobile. okay, just kidding about the second thing, but WE HAVE LIGHTS!

Imagine that, a separate switch for the taillights. Either I have not driven enough older cars or this car is jimmy jacked and slapped with the ghetto stick. So the day ends with the car turning out to be a little better than we thought (just needs a window and a heater!), Ellie shitting all over my hand, and season 3 of Friends is halfway done.

So after I ditched my homework the most amazing Sunday of my life happened! We went to Pringle Park with Scott and Lisa and looked at some of what they are doing up there, it was all neat-o and pretty fun but the real fun happened when we went back to S&L’s house.

Lisa had to put some stuff in the oven real quick and while we were waiting for the food to get all baked we took a walk down the street to see this little house that is for sale. S&L are fancy pants because they live in the historic district with all the amazingly awesome houses I love! The little house we looked at was super duper cute. It was such a nice day to take a walk. There are so many pretty trees on their street, it just made me way happy, like WAY happy.

It’s funny because I don’t know if you have ever not eaten something you loved for awhile but if you have then you know that when you once again eat that beloved thing it tastes even better than you remember and maybe even better than it actually might be because you have spent so much time fantasizing about it. That’s what going outside is like to me. I love it and I fantasize about it quite often, if you were with me outside on a sunny day you might think that I had been locked in a cupboard for like 5 years. I’m pretty bad. Yeah Laycie, we all know… That tree is beautiful and so is everything else out here, shut up now!

We returned from the outdoor adventure and ate a super delish brunch. Lisa is the best cook I know! Everything she makes is amazing and I can never stop eating. She made dessert too which is surely the best way to get on my “happy fun friend” list. Laycie loves her treats! After we ate we all went to Target. Target is fun, its good for like buying mops and stuff, which we did. Then after we bought mops we went home and mopped the floor. No, seriously… we had more of Lisa’s chocolate shortcake with bananas and caramel. That is way better than mopping.

After our second dessert we all just hung out upstairs in their office which is the dope bomb hangout. Lisa and I played this card game called Phase 10 and I totally kicked her ass. It was sad though because she used to play it all the time and I pretty much owned her. We then looked at some books because there are lots of books in their office and everyone knows that books are awesome and that once you open one it might be hard to shut it, especially if there are pictures, and there were definitely some pictures going on in these books.

So after digesting our food and dorking around upstairs we decided to go outside and play. We grabbed a basketball and walked to a park right by their house. We shot hoops, played for keeps, and worked up a sweat. Ever since that game thought I have an urge every now and then to just shout out “play for keeps!” but I refrain and smile because I just say it inside my head which is almost like yelling it out but without the strange looks from people. B-ball is the dope bomb and I want to go play more.

As the sun set we walked back from the park and when we got back to the house we were all saddened that there was not a third dessert to be had. We shed our tears and then scott went to go pick out a funny movie for us to watch. We were all just goofing around and Scott made the comment that it was totally like we were kids whose parents left us alone for the weekend. It was clearly a no parents weekend for us! Two desserts, playing outside, thats all ya need!

The movie we watched was Run Ronnie Run with David Cross, way funny and the way perfect ending to the way funnest day I have had in a along time! Thanks friends for making me smile!

We went to Albuquerque today. I don’t know what I was expecting it to be like but it wasn’t anything like I thought. I am definitely glad we went and that we saw it but I am not sure I am a fan. Oregon is just so amazing and seeing all these other places makes me appreciate my home even more. I think I don’t like New Mexico for the same reason I don’t like Bend. Everything is dry and the plants are ugly and there is just nothing bright and happy to make me happy.

Plus all the houses are the same color. So bland, too bland! So that being said, we decided that an hour in Albuquerque was all we needed and we headed for Arizona. We are in Flagstaff right now and in the morning we will head off for the Grand Canyon. Flagstaff is freeeeeeeeezing. It is 27 degrees and there is a light dusting of snow on the ground.