I went to the zoo with Kendel and Ellie today and we had an awesome time even though it was a bazillion degrees outside and I was so sweaty I looked like I peed myself. I got past it though and embraced the fact that I would never see any of these people again so who the hell cares.

After we got back into Salem we went home so I could peel my wet pants off and replace them with some dry ones and then I went out looking for something to wear to my interview. I’m not going to tell you everywhere I went or that when I was at AE trying on size 14 pants, that I was most certain wouldn’t fit, I had a flood of happiness because I was wearing something that fit! I’m not going to tell you all that though, what I will tell you is how much of a dork I am.

I was in the Target dressing room just a mere 30 minutes ago, trying on some khaki pants and this white shirt that was supposed to be baggy but the kind of baggy that only looks good on a super skinny girl, because you know she doesn’t need to wear anything baggy but when she does it just looks super cute. Anyway, I put the pants on, thought they were alright even though the front pockets were doing this funked out thing where it looked like they were trying to leap off the side of my leg, they had cute buttons though, kind of like sailor pants, so I was willing to possibly overlook the pocket problem but my problems were only beginning. The real trouble started with the previously mentioned baggy styled shirt that I was thinking would just kind of be a little more flattering on me considering the fact that I am 6 months pregnant with a dozen cupcakes.

I put the shirt on and right away the cute buttons on the shirt mixed with the cute buttons on the pants are like detail overload and I get the urge to take them both off but then I decide since the dressing room is empty that I will go out and look at myself in the mirror in the hall so I can get a better overall picture of myself. I have been known to only want to wear the same thing over and over so I was willing to get a second mirror opinion and try to be a little more open minded.

I step out of my tiny room where I was only about 12″ from the mirror and I am now about 10 feet from the mirror in the hall. First thing I notice is lumpyness. The shirt fabric is just hanging on every little thing and the pants looked hideous. I tried to laugh off the fact I looked so bad by acting funny and saying Hi I’m fat, can I have a job? all sarcastically to myself but not really to myself because I said it aloud and then I go back into my room and take the outfit off and as I’m putting all the reject clothes back on the hangers I’m saying no, no, no, no and that’s when I hear a lady cough in the room right next to me. I thought I was alone, as if that makes it okay to talk to myself, but I wasn’t and I was being a complete ding dong so I hurried and got out of there so she wouldn’t see my face. Hopefully I at least gave her a good story.

What I realized though is that when no one else is around to cheer me up that I am perfectly willing to step up to the plate an do it, even if it means people think I am insane. At least I’m laughing right?

I normally have a horrendous time shopping but tonight I didn’t. I was buying things that looked good on me right now (well at least more flattering that all my too tight t-shirts that literally show the outline of my last cupcake) and I was feeling good about myself. Who cares if I am bigger than I used to be, I’m still super awesome as I demonstrated tonight in the dressing room.

I just want my body to match my lifestyle, and right now I’m a runner in my soul but not in my real life so I can quit thinking my body should look like a runner’s body and just be who I am right now. I might not even be here tomorrow so I better love myself right this minute and boy I tell ya I do. I’m super happy right now if you can’t tell, it’s probably just some mild mania but I will take it.