dear oh dear, my oh my. What to even write here, so many things…hard to choose. I wrote a blog post in a notebook last week, some good that does you huh? I wrote one on my computer last night but it started going in so many directions it was turning into a book. I still might post that and type out the other written blog but then I have to go hijack some wireless and upload it and that just takes so much effort I dont know if I’ll do it. :)

Anyways. I apologize in advance for typos, this post is brought to you by the iPhone & a tall glass of mug rootbeer. Oh I DO love my rootbeer’s … Just not Barq’s, its gross. My little blue clunker clunked out last Friday. Its at the mechanic right now so I hope to have it back soon so I can continue to drive my sister around because that’s just what I do.

Kendel is currently studying the drivers manual & I’m taking her to get her permit in 2 weeks. I hope she passes it. If she could drive that would just make my life wonderful, I would never leave the house at all haha. Yeah I laugh but its true. I need to get my ass in gear, I’m the saddest excuse for a life right now. It seems like it’d be easy to just jump up and start doing things that would make my life better but it really is a struggle for me, maybe you understand, maybe you’ve been there, maybe you think I’m pathetic, it is what it is.

I have been journaling so much in the past month. Its crazy how much I feel like it helps me. In a way when you put something down on paper you can just let go of it. All that journaling is part of the reason I haven’t been around here lately. I’ll try to find a happy medium though and continue to entertain you with my small paragraphs.

Right now I have so much I could write about but its slow going here on my iPhone, I have not yet mastered the two hand typing so its just one finger doing all of this magic. I am gettng kind of fast with one finger but with just a touch screen and no buttons it is too easty to hit the wrong keys.

I’m still going to counseling once a week and its going pretty good. Kendel is working ALOT so i have baby ellie for most of everyday. Its getting really hard on me because she’s teething and wants to be held all the time. She’s amazing though and one of the few things that makes me feel truly joyful right now. I love her like I pushed her out myself.

I have lots more to share but I have to put a bit more thought into it before I just barf some stuff up on here. This won’t be the last of me.

Okay I know it has been way too long since I have updated and while I am a little sorry I am mostly not sorry. For some reason not blogging has been good for me. In the past week I feel like my mind is working completely different. I have tons of stuff weighing on me yet I am not curled up on my couch waiting for it to all go away. I feel more aware of everything and like I can handle everything in front of me. Before I get into all that I thought I would give you a tour of the past few weeks of my life with some pictures to make things more interestinger. :D

First up, Kendel started her job at FredMeyer last week on February 27th. She went through an orientation to the store and then this week she started in the Deli. This was her after we got home from her first day:

Kendel working = two thumbs up!

Next we have another one of my taken while driving sky pictures. Yeah I like the clouds and I like taking pictures while I drive, it’s one of the things I just can’t stop doing:


I’m not sure how much I mentioned him here but I was taking care of my sister Katie’s dog, Lucky, for the past few weeks… I loved him a lot but he was also just one more stressful thing in my life. I listed him on craigslist Sunday night and Monday morning he was taken to his new home. I spent the next two days calling Ellie by his name. haha.


And now we round out this Thursday with a nice 3 hour visit to the Emergency Room. Kendel had to be at work at 8am this morning for training on the cash register with a bunch of other new hires. I dropped her off a little before 8, got home and at 8:37 her boss called me. Kendel had fainted and fell straight onto the concrete floor.

I sat with her in the ER while we waited to hear the result of the cat scan and since I got bored I decided to take her picture with my phone. Nice sister I am, I know… I told her I was documenting this because she looked so cute. Aaaaaanyways. Kendel is super sore and they told her her injuries were like that of a car accident and that she would be super sore for the next 3 days, medium sore for the 3 days after that and so on.

So with Kendel working now things are a lot different. I for one have the baby A LOT and while I am used to being around her a lot I am not exactly used to having to care for her every need. Yesterday I had the day off from babysitting but I spent 10 hours working at my office so it wasn’t really a day off by any means.

Ellie is amazing and makes me smile so huge, but taking care of a baby? It’s hard work man. Seriously, those babies are sneaky little boogers. She’s scooting backwards now and while she will get up on her knees and rock back and forth she has not yet crawled. I am excited for her to crawl but I am mostly terrified. Watching her now is hard enough, when she’s crawling around pulling all my fabric off the shelves and chewing on my shipping boxes at the office I am going to being going a little crazy.

Okay, so back to the part where I just talk about me and my mind. My mind has been a little bit lighter I think. It’s weird because I am thinking about way more than I have been but for some reason everything just seems doable. I have bills stacked to my eyeballs but I just feel like I will get caught up and those credit cards are getting cut up for reals this time.

lets sidetrack for a minute. So like a year or two ago, my memory is still sucking, I had all my credit cards paid off and I had cut them all up way before then but since I didn’t cancel them I magically got new cards in the mail over the spread of a few months because those cards I had chopped up had expired… and when they expire the company send you another right quick because god forbid you go a day without your credit card. Well times being what they were I started to use my cards again and now here I sit with four little credit cards and they are all laughing at me calling me a fool. Yes, I was a fool but I refuse to be a fool every again. Credit cards are the worst, actually debt is the worst. okay, back to what I was talking about…

Okay so I have all this stuff to take care of and I feel like I am fully capable of doing it and that when I do it is going to make me feel so good. I just got an unexpected order this morning and usually when I get a chunk of unexpected money (why am I saying unexpected… I think all my money is unexpected lol) I usually like to spend it on things I have been wanting like cake and underwear… but this time I just paid a bill! woo hoo, look at me being all responsible and shit. I told myself last week that ALL money goes to bills because I don’t NEED anything… really. I have underwear and I have food so I seriously have no reason to spend any money on anything other than paying those people that keep calling my phone all day long.

Speaking of phones. I am thinking of downsizing form the iphone. I am trying to be realistic now. I do not need to be so in touch with the world. I am just a regular girl and I really only need a simple phone for calling and text messaging. I can do all my internet stuff on the computer which will also help me to better budget my time. I am a really bad time manager but it’s something I feel I am getting better at (this week anyway), and I just want stuff to be simple. I feel like the simpler my life is the easier it’s going to be.

I didn’t have to cancel my home internet because they shut it off first. haha. yeah not really so funny but it’s okay. I’m going to take them the modem as soon as I have the cash to pay the balance on my bill and then I will wash my hands of comcast. I have internet at my workspace so that is where I am going to do all my internetting. PLUS, I won’t stay up late watching videos on YouTube which has seriously been a major contributor to my sleep issues.

I figured out why I couldn’t sleep well, I was too distracted. Distracted with blogging, with Youtube, with my computer in general. I have been leaving my computer at my workspace and I have been sleeping SO! much better PLUS I started reading again.

The reading is really something that is changing my thought process right now. The book I’m reading is about codependency and I feel like I am taking a lot from it right now and it is helping me sort things out in my head.

I know this was a whole barrage of stuff but I just wanted to update you little foxygreeners on the haps over here in cupcakeland USA.