This morning I got up at 9!! This is amazing news. I went to my office and worked and then went home at a decent hour, 7! One thing about my office though, it’s downtown so parking is only 2 hours. I thought I was being sneaky by moving the car to a new spot before my two hours was up but when I left I got a ticket anyway!!! WTF?!?! I thought if you moved to a different spot you were in the clear but I guess not. sucks major assage.

Anyway, I wasn’t going to talk about my new office space until I had new photos but I forgot to take pics tonight, okay I’m lying… the place is a straight up disaster and I didn’t think it was a good photo day. It’s super cool though. For my local friends: it’s right downtown on Commercial between court and state and it’s on the second floor with two huge windows that look out onto the street. I feel like a real business person and now maybe people will actually take me for one, even though I have been busting my ass sewing for over 5 years. Call me and you can come for a visit and a tour of my enterprise :)

If I had to say what my life purpose right now was it would be making my business into something totally legit and stable and reading my codependency books os I can straighten out my relationship with every person on the planet. I also change a lot of diapers right now too so I guess I have three purposes: business, personal and domestic. The diaper thing would definitely be less enjoyable if the butt I was wiping wasn’t attached to such a cute baby!

Ellie is so adoreable! Kendel and I took some pictures tonight but again I am flaking out on good content by being a lazy ass. I am too tired to be bothered with the strain of getting my camera and the usb cable together so that the pictures can magically appear in my iphoto. Yes magically. I sum up my MacBook and every other Apple product I own with just that one word… magic. the shit just works, I don’t know how but there I sit and right in front of my eyes amazing things just flash and sparkle.

I’m getting ready to head to bed and now with my new bedtime being strictly enforced by Kendel I don’t get to read because I decided to instead take my white magic laptop and write a really wordy and photo lacking blog post for my fans. I love you readers!

Once again I am up way past the hour in which any normal person should be up but oh well. Kendel and I made a deal to get up early together tomorrow so we can switch our schedules around. We are in this really bad habit of getting up at 1 in the afternoon, it’s not a good thing for my mental well being.

Today after we headed out the door at 4:30, the time when most people have already accomplished many of their daily tasks, we went to FredMeyer and Target. We went to FredMeyer mainly because it is right by where I pick up my mail and also because I am very fond of it, even though the prices aren’t amazing. Anyway, at FredMeyer I just wanted to price check some sewing machines but ended up buying some candy, an awesome little pink hoodie for Ellie AND the coolest green teddy bear in the world, for me of course.

After that we headed to target because I needed some tape and a new sewing machine. I also wanted to look at the Christmas stuff because I just love to wonder aimlessly through the holiday aisles. I got my sewing machine, a simple Singer with some cool stitch capabilities AND some other cool thing-a-ma jigs my other machine didn’t have. After the essentials Kendel and I walked through the holiday stuff and pointed out our favorite things.

We ended up buying a wreath and some bows and garland because Kendel really wanted to decorate the front of our house since there are lots of other decorated houses in our neighborhood. As we were getting ready to make our way to the checkout we ran into Michael. I would have to say it is one of the weirdest things that I have experienced since we have been living apart. This is the person I used to share every second of my life with and here I am running into him at Target like he was just any other person I could run into at a store. I can’t really pin point my exact feelings but it was kinda like when your grandma dies but you don’t really realize she’s dead until you don’t get that $5 check in the mail 2 weeks before your birthday.

Kendel and I spent over 2 hours shopping and I have to say I have always loved just walking around stores and bumping into things I never knew I couldn’t live without but I have actually come to love it even more. I don’t know if it’s that “I buy things to make myself feel better” kind of thing or what but I just love going to the store. Not just any store though, Target mainly.

Tonight we also went to Scott and Lisa’s to watch some Project Runway, a show that has everything a young seamstress could ask for, and while we were there I happened to eat the best thing I have eaten all year, pumpkin cheese cake. Oh lordy was it good. Lisa’s mom made it and I kid you not, I imagined kidnapping this woman and locking her up in a kitchen to mass produce these things purely for my own consumption, who says Laycie couldn’t be a cute 300lb girl.

After the tv and pie Kendel and I went to my office and worked until 12:30. yes, 12:30am. I kid you not, our sleeping schedule is whack like crack. I blame it on my new found love of reading and also Ellie’s little nightly fuss-fests. But my reading actually keeps me up for hours after Kendel and the baby hit the hay. What can I say, a girl loves to read now!

So that’s my update for today. If you can’t tell I am doing a lot better now that my head doesn’t feel sick with a cold, though my throat is still sore and I am still blowing my nose like crazy. Speaking of blowing your nose, it’s quite fun. I think I might miss it when it’s gone. I just realized too that I mentioned my office up there, yeah I will tell you about that later because I have to go to bed now but I just wanted to slam out a quick blog. Happy last week of November everyone!

I am still sick. Five days of being sick just plain sucks. I am not a fan of being sick. When I am sick I like to lie to myself and pretend that I am not sick as if I can trick my body into health. It’s sorta like when my pants don’t fit but I just squeeze them on anyway, okay not really.

I bought some books online and I got them all last week. I already read one of them and have started two others. I’m reading more than one book at a time, I’m not sure if that’s a good thing but it’s what I’m doing. The first book I read in just one evening. I haven’t read an entire book in a long time and it’s a shame.

I’ve been sewing a lot. I really love to sew. I want to teach other people that it’s a lot easier than it seems. I think I’m going to start making those “how to sew” videos I wanted to make. We’ll see.

I haven’t been writing too much, obviously, but I have been thinking about how much it means to me. I think reading and writing go hand in hand and as I read more I think I will become a better writer. I really want to take writing more seriously.

So I’ve been sick, my ass is wearing a hole into the couch, my computer is sick of playing shows and my mind is tired of spinning. I have so many things on my mind that need to be dealt with but truthfully dealing is hard and staying busy is easy. I know I need to deal, which might be why my body decided to get sick. I can’t really escape my mind when I am just laying here like a lump, maybe that’s why I am so frustrated at being ill.

Writing right now is a bit hard since my head feels clogged and every two minutes I find myself staring at the wall only to look back at a half typed sentence and not know what the second half should be. A few times I have deleted the whole post and started it over in hopes of finding some sort of flow. Who am I kidding though, I should just let my words speak for me and let you see how much of a scatterbrain I am right now.

I hate this year, I hate it with every bone in my body and probably every bone in yours too. When I sit here and think of where I am and what I’ve done I don’t know what to feel. Inside my head is one large bright green question mark bouncing around from side to side.

I know that sometimes shit has to be torn apart before it can be fixed but I’m sitting in a pile of rubble going back and forth between excitement for what new things can be built and sadness that everything is such a mess right now and that there is a lot of work ahead.

My mind jumps chaotically from one thought to another and I feel like I have too much stuff in my head. I want to clear out all the things that don’t have anything to do with making my own life better and that’s hard because I spend so much of my time concerned about the affairs of others. Breaking away from that is hard, I have to keep reminding myself that I need to “live and let live” but I don’t feel like I really know how to live. Everything I have done my whole life has been so wrapped up in other people that I don’t know what to do if I’m not doing something for someone else. I thought making other people happy was what would make me happy but I was very wrong.

Right now I am trying really hard to be selfish and so far I just feel selfish. I’m not used to being so wrapped up in myself but there is no way I can avoid it now, I have come unraveled and the mess is too big to avoid. I have no choice but to pick up the knitting needles and knit this mess into a brightly colored striped scarf.

As I’m typing this Badger is desperately trying to nuzzle up under my chin which I think is my cue to cut this ramble now before I start talking about my life as a cupcake, which is sad for you because I’m sure that story would have had some interesting metaphors.

I am sick today, I was sick yesterday, I hope I’m not sick tomorrow. Kendel and I just went to Safeway to pick up a few last minute items for our dinner tomorrow which we are having at Michael’s apartment because the oven we have here doesn’t maintain a constant temperature.

All day yesterday I laid on the couch, all day today I laid on the couch. I normally would love to have an actual reason for not leaving the couch but it just so happened that this week I was working on some things I was quite excited about so I’m super bummed I got sick.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. What do I have to be thankful for this year? hmm. I don’t really feel thankful for too much as I really consider this to be my worst year to date. In fact I’m sure if I won the lottery right now I would find something to bitch and moan about, like… I won so much money that I get a check every month and damn the monthly check because it means I have to go to the bank and damn the bank because it’s in safeway and damn safeway because they have the carrot cake and damn the carrot cake because that’s why I’m fat and damn the fat because that’s why my jeans won’t fit and damn the jeans because 32 is the biggest size and just damn, damn, damn. Then I would just bitch about how now that I have money the whole world treats me different and damn the world for wanting my money.

But if I really thought about it… I am thankful to have Kendel. Right now she is one of the most important people in my life and if she weren’t here with me right now I don’t know what I’d be doing because I sure as hell can’t get through what I’m going through alone. The fact that I don’t have to sit here alone while I isolate myself from the world is a pretty good thing.

I am also thankful for Ellie. It’s just so hard to hate the world when she smiles at me. Being around a baby also reminds me that I should take some time out every day to just sit around and make faces at people, sometimes they smile.

I’m very thankful to the friends I have who have listened to me and taken the time to hang out with me or make me feel like they care. It’s hard to rock the boat, especially when you live in it, but if you have people standing around with life jackets you feel a little less like you are going to end up drowning.

I’m sure I am thankful for many other things but right now they are under a pile of shit I am not thankful for so you’re gonna have to give me a year to dig that stuff out. Happy Thanksgiving everyone, I hope the turkey treats you well.

Wow I totally suck for not posting in 5 days, geez louise! oh well though, I have nothing good to say anyway. I have a super sore throat and am practically drinking Chloraseptic (which I love!) but it’s not helping. I’ve been feeling super weird since I stopped eating candy and fast food so I don’t know if it’s withdrawals or what but I keep telling myself that a candy bar is not the answer.

I’m not sure about this little medication I am on anymore either. It’s a stimulant so every time I go in the doctor is asking me if I have trouble sleeping and I say no and she seems surprised and tells me it’s good. What is weird though is that I have been getting more and more tired lately and it’s pissing me off.

I am eating good food and drinking so much water that if I painted myself gray I could moonlight as a pissing fountain in someone’s front yard. I am so close to just quitting the pills (which the doctor said I could do without weaning), we’ll see.

I haven’t been seeing friends very much, some not at all. Two of my friends had birthdays last week and I didn’t do anything for either of them and I am normally all about the birthdays. I feel like a bad friend but I am just drained as a person right now. I feel like there is nothing left in me to give right now, I need to re-fuel.

I keep thinking I am going to start running again but then I wake up and it’s later than I would like it to be so I just decide to get going with the day. In reality I might be happier if I went outside for a bit and moved my ass. Maybe tomorrow.

Kendel and I go to Target A LOT. You might even say it’s our favorite store. Anyway at Target there is this section of cheap shit right as you walk in where like everything is a dollar or two and I am normally annoyed by it’s presence (because who can resist a green spatula that is only $1?!?!) but for some reason the last time we were there I didn’t listen to the voice in my head saying “no, don’t do it, don’t go look at all the cheap shit” because I saw something…something green…with sparkles! omg!! yaay!! weee heee!! (I’m easily excited about green stuff!)

They had all this holiday crap and one section was dog collars. Green glittery dog collars. Spunky is essentially a dog, I mean she’s 14 pounds and plays fetch so she’s far more like a dog than a cat. I bought three of them, one for each cat (minus Blacky because she already has a collar AND she isn’t even around) but Spunky is the only one who can wear the collar as-is. I have to poke more holes in the other two so Badger and Peanubutter can get in on the action.

Here is Spunky in all her glittery green glory. I can’t explain to you how much I love this collar, finding it was the highlight of my week. Almost.

I posted awhile ago about how I had like a $400 bill from AT&T and how I called and they reduced it for me as a “one time courtesy”. During that phone call with AT&T customer service I also asked to have my plan changed to the 2100 minute plan instead of the 700 and she said she did it for me, I asked her twice, but here I go logging into my account and I have $75 in overage charges because my plan didn’t get changed.

I am so flippin frustrated I’m about to sell my iphone and go back to my beloved T-Mobile just so I have one less thing in my life that stresses me out. Seriously I am so annoyed right now. I tried to just change my plan right there on the website myself but AT&T tells me:“we are unable to change your rate plan at this time”. eff!

So I will get more practice in doing things I hate tomorrow when I have to spend another hour of my life talking with some AT&T employee that could care less. My brain hurts because AT&T’s website sucks, AT&T’s customer service sucks and AT&T’s coverage is STILL sucking for me!

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update: after 30 minutes on the phone they credited my account for the overage from last month and switched my plan for reals this time. Gag me with a spoon.

Do not text while driving, said dead.

Do not text using ‘0′ instead of ‘o’.

Do not text in all CAPS.

Do not abbreviate every other word.

Do not engage in a text “conversation”, especially while you are with someone else!

Do not continually check your phone to see if you have new texts when you are with someone else, this just makes a person feel like you are bored with them.

Do not text words that you wouldn’t say to someone’s face.

Do not forward jokes or other stupid text messages, ever.

That’s all for now, next week we will outline proper borrowing etiquitte.