Today is a beautiful day, the kind of day that makes me excited to get back into running. I have been so lazy but I blame it on the weather. I love having something to blame for why I don’t do things. I mean, I would totally do a million things if it weren’t for this or that. I never avoid doing something just because I am simply lazy… I mean I have reasons I am lazy, it’s not just a choice I make. :)

So today I went to school even though I had no classes because I wanted to get some extra credit for going to these academic showcase presentations that all the different departments were putting on. I went with my buddy Jonathan because we decided to work on our data mining presentation afterward. First we went to four art presentations which were pretty interesting. I appreciate art and people being creative but some of the stuff is so ugly and boring and I wonder how it could have been any fun at all to make. Though I am one for bright colors and fun so maybe I am not the best art critic.

Out of the four art presentations I thought three of the people were going to cry. They were so into their art that it made them visibly emotional. One girls voice was shaking as she described a print she made of an image that reminded her of her dad taking her fishing. It was awesome. I was happy that these people were majoring in something that they obviously had great passion for.

I have cried over my homework assignments but not because I loved them. One guy talked about how he took an intro art class his sophomore year and decided to change his major. It reminded me of the time I took an intro biology class so I would have 12 credits and get my financial aid check. That single class made me decide I had no love for computer science and I wanted to study biology instead. We all know how well that went for me but still I remember the feeling I got and how great it felt to quit all my CS classes.

This kinda brings up another topic I have been thinking about. When I was in high school I was so afraid of going to college because I thought the classes would be soooo hard and that everyone would be sooooo smart. Sadly enough I have only had a handful of classes in college that have challenged me in any way even close to my math and science classes in high school.

The way for me to excel in anything is to just dive in full force and be expected to do/know a lot. When I can just weasel through a class without really studying or anything else then usually I will and I’ll get a C or a B. When a class is fairly difficult and requires a lot of time and effort on my part then I normally do really well. I am either all in or all out. This may not be true for me this term because I do have a really hard class that I am currently getting a D in but computer science is just a whole different level of difficult for me at this point.

Besides the art presentations we went to a philosophy one and two of the computer science ones. I was most intrigued by the art showcase. As I sat and watched I thought about all the things I want to do in my 6 months off from school and being artistic is definitely on the list. I know most of the things I do are artistic in some way or another but I actually want to make some art just for the sake of it being art.

I went to safeway on my way home to pick up some stuff for hummus and soup and when I was checking out I dropped my ghetto-rific phone on the ground and it all came apart. It was quite lame because I had to bend down and pick it up and every time I bend down my butt-crack shows. I can’t control it, I just have a crack that doesn’t like to be held hostage inside a pair of jeans all day.

I spend the majority of my entire day fighting with my crack, trying to keep it under wraps. If I divert my attention for even 5 minutes I find it trying to peek out into the world. It’s a hassle really, keeping my crack covered. I’m going to look to google and see if there is anything I can do about this.

This is all the really important stuff you have been hoping I would update you on. First we will start with life issue #512, my eyebrows. They are showing promise and growing in quite nicely. You don’t know how hard it is for me to do this though, the urge to pluck is so strong and when I feel a pokey new growth it drives me crazy and I might actually be inhibiting the growth by touching it so much, haha.

Next issue, #457, my deal with sugar. If sugar was the devil I would sell my soul to it. I made cookies a few days ago and I have eaten some everyday since then. I don’t know if there is any hope in me cutting sugar from my life, maybe there is no point, maybe there is a good reason to embrace just one thing in your life that you have no control over, maybe I should embrace my cookie monster capabilities and just get out there and run my ass off so I don’t turn into a giant cookie.

Issue #57, my amazing ability to procrastinate even when it comes to procrastinating. I have a kah-billion things to do but they aren’t due tomorrow so I think they can wait…

Issue #234, my love of all things green. I still love green, I am drinking green juice right now. This morning I decided I don’t have enough green shirts and if I lose 10 more pounds I can fit back into my cool green pants! Green just makes me happy, except when it comes out of my cats ass.

Issue #32, my running. I ran yesterday and I am going to run today so things are looking up for me there. I ran a 9 minute 30 second mile last night and while I think that’s great and all I just know that for the first 10 miles of my first marathon I ran a 9 minute pace and I was taking it easy, I have a lot of improving to do but I am in it to win it so we’ll see how it goes. I plan on checking my mile time ever week or two.

Issue #1, going to the gym. Yeah this isn’t going so well for me, I just haven’t gone. I love the gym, I love watching the people and listening to my iPod but for some reason I am just being especially lazy. I am going tomorrow though, you just wait… I’m gonna do it! seriously.

Issue #87, the cats. Well the kitty count is now up to four and though I never thought I would have this many cats, I’m glad I do. Having a pet, or four, makes life just that much sweeter. Yesterday Michael actually admitted out loud that he loved our cats and that having four of them is funner than just one because now we are in it full force, we are more than just cat owners, we are crazy! Now that’s dope!

I, just like you, do weird things. I mean, they aren’t weird to me but when someone else sees them they might not make any sense. Take my blog notes for example, all day things come to my mind that would be good posts but if I don’t make some sort of note about it I am surely to forget because i can only keep so many amazing things in my mind at one time…

So the other day I was in class and my friend Jonathan grabbed a business card out of my binder and then he flipped it over to see my random blog notes. I felt compelled to explain them to him, as I will now to you, because I just can’t have anyone be thinking I am a weirdo now. So this was my weird list: passing people, patterns-clothing (have no clue what it meant to remind me, lol) and black fingernail.

Passing people: I don’t like to do it, I feel like I am never going to go fast enough and just get into a head on collision… plus whenever people pass me I always end up right behind them in a few minutes so it is pretty much a waste because you always just run into another person driving too slow. I’m not trying to die on my way to school any way, I mean it’s awesome and all but it’s just one of those things in my life that I won’t die for.

Patterns-clothing: Yeah I have no clue what I wanted to remember here but lets take a guess. I like patterns and sometimes people wear patterned pants with patterned shirts and that is pretty much the dopest outfit you could ever assemble. Especially if it is flowered pants with a paisley shirt, and why not add in a polka-dot pair of socks for the fun of it. Life is too short for conformity.

Black fingernail: This one was about this dude in one of my classes that had a black finger nail and I thought he painted it that way but upon further inspection I realized his nail is actually black. I am too lazy to google the reasons why a nail can turn black so I will just assume he smashed it in the car door while racing to class one day after hitting a buffalo on his way to campus.

I do lots of weird things. I talk to myself sometimes when I have gone awhile without talking just to check and make sure I can in fact still talk. Sometimes I pretend to know what people are talking about even though I have no clue and then I go home and google the topic. I don’t like to kill bugs, I think about their families and even though I have a if I can see it’s eyes no kill rule, I sometimes break it and don’t even kill ants.

I feel naked without painted nails, which is the current state of my hands at this moment. I have an order of operations in the shower and whenever I stray from it I end up forgetting to rinse my hair or something. I hate bathing, but I like to feel clean. I prefer to eat food that someone else has prepared because it always seems to taste better. I like to read books but I rather read a book someone suggests. When I watch movies or read books like Harry Potter I have dreams that I too am in the book.

I am 27 but my imagination has only grown with age. I make up songs in my head and sing them to the tune of another. I like to make up rhymes but I only write down a fraction of them. As soon as I throw something out I regret it. I want to live simply but it’s simply killing me to decide what I can do without. I think I am a rather neat person but when I look around all I see is messy, messy.

I love to write but still don’t know when I should use a semicolon. I always want to use semicolons so it’s good that I have some programming classes. Yesterday I only listened to one song on repeat, this isn’t the first time I have done this. Sometimes I try to figure out complex mathematical calculations in my head because I have this feeling that if I don’t use it I will lose it and that scares me. Yeah, I’m weird but so are you.

I have posted about this before but every time I get that knock on the door I just know it is going to turn into a blog post. I have this bad habit of leaving the front door open lately because then the cats can go in and out at will. Well today there was no avoiding the door when I heard the Jehova’s witnesses knock, if the door is open there is probably most likely, most certainly, someone home…

So today’s topic was much the same as it always is. In the future the world is going to be God’s domain and there will be no wickedness or evil and no death and blah blah blah. The lady tells me: “at this time so many people are uncertain of the future, doesn’t it make you feel better to know that someday it won’t be this way?” Seriously, I believe in hope. Hope is all we have to pull us up when we are down, but living off the hope that one day Jesus or God is going to come make my life a paradise is just a little far for even me… and I hope some far-fetched things sometimes.

Believing this isn’t hope to me, its a fantasy. It may be true that some fantasies come true but to me a fantasy is something you think about but you have no plans on it ever becoming a reality. I am pretty indifferent to religion, I used to be very against it but now I just don’t care. Whatever makes your life easier to live is fine with me but just don’t put it in my face or make me feel like less of a person because I don’t share in your religious fantasies.

Even as a kid I could never take this stuff for truth. I always felt like it was just another story like the ones in my big fat totally awesome fairytale book. I don’t understand how people can really truly believe the things she was telling me. All I believe in are the things people can do, all I hope is that I can learn something everyday and all I want is to truly live my life to the fullest. (I have to start working on that last one)

If I were going to make up some religious fantasy for myself it would be that someday in the future the world is going to turn into the world Harry Potter lives in. That is some shit I could get behind. I mean if we are going to get fanatical about some crazy fantasies how about that one. So I am going to keep living my miserable little life because I have the hope that one day I am going to get my wax-sealed letter from Hogwarts and I will be taken away from all this wickedness :)

I am out of school in 2.5 weeks and I am so excited. I am excited though I am also a bit scared. I want to do so many things yet I hate making lists because when I feel like everyday and hour of my life is planned out it makes me want to die. what do I have to live for if I can see my future written right there in front of me.

This is where Michael and I have always differed and it’s quite amazing. I know that to be productive you have to have some sort of plan but my plan is that I like to get up each day and just go with the flow of what I feel like doing. I mean, I want to do things everyday and I can plan out certain things but I CANNOT plan out every part of my day from 9 am to 9 pm because it makes me have the overwhelming feelings of suffocation.

I don’t know if there is even a happy medium of planning for me because if I have a plan written out and I manage to get myself out of bed all I can do all day long is despise my written plan and do everything in my power to sabotage it. I am a saboteur of my own self (yes that is a sentence spoken by a three year old which makes sense because I do sometimes act like I am three, though I am not sure if a three year old can understand the meaning of the word sabotage let alone call them selves a saboteur… I mean I was super smart so I probably did but that is a whole ‘nother blog).

So in thinking of my impending 6 month vacation from school and any sort of structured schedule, I am compelled to try and describe my thoughts using the biggest words I can think of. Since my vocabulary isn’t that big there wont be very many words I can use and I will most certainly use some of them wrong, which will most certainly be the most entertaining part of this bog. Needless to say, I might be detrimental to myself.

So I have like a kah-billion things I want to accomplish and I am most certain that my enthusiasm for these things will get my ass outta bed every morning but I just don’t know whether or not I need a plan. I kinda just want to do whatever it is I want to do each day as long as it in some way makes me happy or is getting me closer to reaching some goal I have.

I don’t know why I am such an anti-plan type of person. I really just cannot stand them. Plans make me feel like there is no time. Feeling like there is no time is the worst thing for me. I like time, I like procrastinating and I like being a free-bird.

I told a friend at school the other day that I was taking Fall term off because there were no classes I needed and then he asked me “Do you work?”. Do I work? Funny he should ask me that because I basically live to work. I love work. But by work most people mean at a “job”. I put that in quotes because thats what I do when I respond to the question of do I work. I say… “yes, I do work but not at a (picture me making the hand gesture for quotes)job“.

Some people might think it is weird that I haven’t held a “job” in like a kah-billion years and that in fact I have only had two “jobs” in my entire life… well three if you count the two months I had a paper route. I don’t think it’s weird though. To me being entreprenurial and making my own money seems normal, having a job seems weird.

I am going to be done with school next year and possibly get a job but here I am saying that having a job seems weird. If I think this then why does getting a degree not seem weird. I think it might be because I will have this piece of paper that proves to me and everyone else that I am smart and in the end all I care about is that people know I am smart. I’m fricken smart you b!t@hes!

Okay so for this summer all I know is that I want to do a million things, yet I know that I cannot hang out here in this house again all alone because that drove me to the insanity of me deciding to go back to school for what might be no reason at all. Alright, enough crazy for today, happy memorial day weekend everyone.

That’s right, me, miss I wanna eat healthy… I had the bright idea that I could make cookies and NOT eat any of them. I’m sorry but what the F#@% was I thinking? That’s like a meth addict thinking they can make the meth but not do the meth. I must have been on crack when I had this amazing cookie idea. I seriously never cease to amaze myself.

Needless to say I had what started off as A cookie. Then since my stomach didn’t do anything whacked out I had ANOTHER cookie. I haven’t eaten cookies in 22 days. I was feeling great. I wasn’t even craving them. Why the hell did I eat them?!?! Because I am a raging lunatic who likes to think I am strong even though I am weak.

So I ended up having maybe 10 cookies. Yeah it seems like a lot and to say I actually used some restrain seems ridiculous but I actually did. the old cookie monster Laycie I used to be would have eaten no less than 24 and would have needed some ice cream to wash them down with.

You think I would feel good having eaten cookies which I love so dearly but no. I feel like a sick loser. My stomach hurts and the cookies gave me NO good feelings. I mean, the initial taste of them was amazing but it quickly wore off.

I love treats but I think I have come to the conclusion that I am done with them. I love eating them but now that I am trying to eat healthy they are only going to make me feel even sicker than they used to make me feel.

I probably sound like a crazy person, but I am so if I do this is a true representation of me. And you know me, all I do it try to keep it real for the blog.

If any of you are completely uninterested with my person health/running situation then don’t bother reading this post ;)

Okay, today is day 24 of my little super hero running plan and I have to say that I am being a loser! I can’t get my ass to the gym in the morning because I don’t want to get out of bed and I don’t always want to run at night because even though I have made major changes in my diet that I should be happy about it seems like every other day is super difficult to get through.

I am happy that I did that master cleanse detox but beyond that I don’t feel I am trying to hard to reach any other goals. It’s like I am so happy for going 10 days only drinking this nasty lemonade that even on days where I do nothing I am like “well I had the will power to not eat for 10 days”. But that achievement is wearing off now.

One thing that helps me actually do what I want is to make a public service announcement about it. And today, right here… I will make one. I am going to start running 6 days a week starting Tuesday, I will also start going to the gym to lift weights 5 times a week. Some time in the future if I choose to complete my mission I will be a super hero runner.

I started posting videos on youtube when I started the cleanse and I have posted videos everyday for 23 days but last night I did not post. I am getting suck of making videos about what I ate that day and not having anything amazing or interesting to say. Maybe if I start doing what I actually wanted to do with myself I will continue to post videos. At this point I am just annoyed with my lameness.

Have you ever done something a certain way for a really long time and then suddenly one day asked yourself why? Well this happens to me quite a bit and it just happened to me this last week. The task in question is my eyebrow plucking. I love my tweezers and I love pulling hairs outta my face with them.

Anyway, I have basically had the same general shaped eyebrows for a long time, though they have been even thinner than they are now if you can believe that. I don’t know why I like them the way I do them, I just do them that way and thats the way it is and the way its been and the way I am used to. BUT something last week got me thinking that my eyebrows are too skinny, and that I need to let them grow back in a bit. I don’t know what it is that sometimes gets you outside yourself but I got outside myself and was like “girl, why you be plucking your eyebrows so dang much?”

I first plucked my eyebrows when I was 13 but I had bangs so I could hide the fact that I did it, but pretty soon I just kept plucking little by little and I got me some little eyebrows. My mom has super skinny eyebrows so maybe that’s where I got it from, that urge to just pluck, pluck, pluck. I used to beg my sisters to let me pluck their eyebrows because I had already plucked the crap outta mine. It was like a compulsion I had with those tweezers… walking around like a zombie must pluck…must pluck… must pluck.

So by plucking for so long I may have suffered some permanent hair loss because thats what happens when you repeatedly pull a hair out by its root, but I am going to try to grow my eyebrows in a little thicker and we’ll see what happens. Wow, amazing stuff I know!