okay, so I just grabbed a banana from the kitchen and then I ate it. nothing weird, but wait. Then I toss the peel on the floor and realize I have a ridiculous pile going on. What am i becoming?

click the pic

I am almost done with my database project, php and mySQL are pretty dang cool! I have been working on it the entire weekend. I also learned today that I can connect to my schools server via remote desktop and this will allow me to actually do what I need to do for my little “tech talk” on wednesday. Someone in my class told me how to do it and I am so happy now.

My cats ran out of food this afternoon and I am a little scared to let them sleep with me, might they eat my face while i slumber…

so it’s supposed to snow tonight I guess. I don’t really care. I find myself not really caring about much these days of brain strain.

I found this funny thing yesterday about putting bunnies into a trance. Apparently if you put one of these cute furries on their back and pet their face they kinda pass out. I looked up the reason and it is some sort of defense mechanism. They play dead when they are caught by predators in order to avoid fatal injuries. Then they just hope the animal that caught them puts them down again at some point so they can run away. I want a bunny now so I can trance them.

so. I wanted to say hi but I really have nothing interesting to say. I shouldn’t even get on here without something funny or interesting but as I have said before I have a compulsion and must write something. My eyes hurt from staring at the computer all day. I think I need glasses. I need to eat better. I joined the gym but have not gone yet and keep telling myself I will start Monday. This is the 3rd monday I haven’t gone.

Spunky is mad that I haven’t been relaxing because she likes to lay on me for awhile before bed. I am making her confused. She tried to get under the blankets with me last night but she got to hot after 5 minutes and left. Badger still sleeps above my head.

I have a quiz tomorrow, then next week I have to tell my senior project class how to do something I have yet to learn myself and I have to present my database project that is nowhere near done and that I have decided sucks anyway. Yet I still keep trucking. It’s all my own fault. I’m a procrastinator and I continually do this stuff to myself. I will never change, no matter how much I want to.

I went to my senior project class today but again it was a waste. Someone gave their technical talk and I was technically confused out of my mind. Even though I don’t know what to tell them yet I am pretty sure I can tell them better than anyone else has. I’m really not conceited, I’m just sure of myself…this comes with age and why live if you aren’t sure of yourself.

I am not excited about this Holiday weekend because if I get excited then I will stop doing what I need to do right now and that is be miserably immersed in my studies. I really want chocolate milk but since I can’t make it to the gym I will not allow myself to buy it.

It is late, or early I guess and I am delirious, this makes for my best writing, maybe. The new Harry Potter movie trailer is out and I am very happy for that movie to be coming out this summer. I wish I was a magical person, it would be fun. My mom used to tell me made up stories about her friends that could do magic, I believed her then but I don’t now. I have realized I am just like my mom and I make up stories and pawn them off for truths.

I thought a lot today about my procrastination and how I could fix it but I decided tomorrow would be a better time to figure that out. I got some new music today, I am addicted to listening to different music right now, it’s weird how my music moods are, if I’m a little loopy then you should just see my itunes playlists.
I got my transcript from Chemeketa on Friday and I took it to the registrar today. They already updated it too so now it says I got my AA, I am so impressed, I thought it would take a week! If next term goes well I will be so happy! I don’t even know what I am going to do when I am done with my last class out there, I may die of disbelief.

So I have been drinking the diet coke. the cool refreshing monster has taken hold of me. I like chocolate milk better but I don’t want to turn into a jug of chocolate milk. if they cut me open my insides would be chocolate.

I want to make a treat for Thanksgiving but then again the thought of doing absolutely nothing sounds good too. I am going to make a list of everything I am thankful for and I will present that list here on thanksgiving.

You know, when I stay up too long I start thinking about the weirdest stuff. Like what is the point of everything. Why am I here, what is the purpose of me being on this planet? What is this planet in comparison to everything else out there in the universe? how big is the universe?

Space scares me. really a lot! I like to stay on the ground. gravity is my friend. space is so big it just freaks me out, all the black holes and dead stars. I wonder if we’ll ever know what this is all about. I wonder if there is another planet like this one, with living things doing all the weird pointless things we do.

I think about the things I enjoy in life and they seem pretty simple, I like people, I like music, I like stories, I like animals, I like laughing, I like bright colors, I like water and swimming and running and breathing. all of this is pretty regular and natural. I don’t really care about a new car, or a diamond ring, or a fancy set of dishes. I really don’t.

sometimes I do want little stupid things but I know I don’t need them and they actually do not make me happy. a new car may be fun but I would be so worried about dents and stains and all this crap that it would be more of a stress. I love my jeep, if I rip something, spill something or someone makes a dent I don’t care. I am sick of caring about dumb crap. I care about people. I care about my pets. I care about having fun and experiences. I think I am done with stuff. well…except for my computer stuff. but everything else, I’m freakin’ done. I am not wasting another penny of my money on useless stupid junk.

Today I came across an article about chocolate milk, and that it helps athletes replenish after a workout. I may not be an athlete at this exact moment but I am planning on beginning the training for my next marathon tomorrow….hmmm, looks like there is chocolate milk in my future, and without guilt :)

The marathon is at the coast, June 2nd in Newport, and I am planning to shave at least an hour off my time. I’m aiming for under 5 hours, if I can do better I will be ecstatic but under 5 is my main goal…